Comic Mom

Do people even bother to read anymore?
I'm beginning to wonder. The whole word language approach seems to have produced a generation or two of people who are unable to read and assimilate text. Although I encountered this problem when I taught English, I am finding that it is now ubiquitous. Or maybe my students are just now out in the world. That said, I had some lovely students who were quite interested in reading and understanding text. It's the majority who didn't, however, that I'm concerned about. And I'm finding that this lack of reading skills is not limited to the institution where I used to teach, nor is it limited to North Carolina. The name-calling rudeness that was first seen on daytime television in the eighties and is now the modus operandi of the neocons on AM talk radio has permeated our culture. Few people have any ability to argue logically.

I'm concerned about the lack of ability to discern because I recently read about myself, much to my shock and dismay, that I am a "virulent antigay writer." Well, I didn't know that. If you'd like to see the actual quote, it's there for all to see at www.salon.com:
http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/2006/10/12/la_leche_league/index.html

Well, I'll never work again, right? Being dubbed "antigay" by anyone these days is the equivalent of joining the KKK. But let's look at the evidence for the dubbing that occurred. Before we delve into things, however, it's important to note that a few years ago, while we were living in North Carolina, someone actually lost his job for using the word "niggardly." There is no doubt, of course, that this word sounds an awful lot like a word that has been deemed a racial slur, but looking at the word itself, one finds that niggardly has to do more with economics than race. From www.m-w.com, we see the following:
nig·gard·ly
Pronunciation: -lE
Function: adjective
1 : grudgingly mean about spending or granting : BEGRUDGING
2 : provided in meanly limited supply
synonym see STINGY
- nig·gard·li·ness noun
- niggardly adverb
Where's the racial slur here? And yet, someone actually lost his job because he was, well, able to use a vocabulary word that most people aren't smart enough to know the meaning of. Such is life in the new police state, one in which people are quick to jump to conclusions and slow to use logic.

With that context, let's look at the evidence that I am a "virulent antigay writer." If I am not mistaken, the only thing I've ever written that included the word "homosexual" was my article, "No More Mommies," which you are welcome to read at http://www.newswithviews.com/Vaughan/triciaA.htm. I wrote this article because, as a reunited adoptee, I think it is important to look at the current adoption industry, a $1.5 billion business in the U.S., in a way that mainstream media have completely missed. I also believe that every child has one mom and one dad and those are what God and nature gave us. They can't be changed by legal documents. In rare cases, children do need to be raised by someone other than their parents. But the situation has gotten out of hand and now at least 40 couples stand in line for each adoptable newborn. That's the reality, but it is not what is portrayed by the media, who gives us images of adopters saving newborns from being dumped in trash cans. I'm well aware that most people have a hard time understanding my views on preserving families; one thinking woman, however, wrote me what turned out to be a very nice letter, but which started with When I first read your article on adoption, I thought you were crazy. and ended with the very nice Thanks for having the courage to speak your mind. And I'll say something here that I did not say in the article: I used to feel that adoption was a wonderful thing, too. Although, like the gay person who claims to have always had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right, I have always had a feeling that something wasn't quite right about adoption. The difference is that in our current media culture, it's fine to come out as gay, but not so fine to differ with the burgeoning adoption industry.

Only after I found my parents and researched the other side of adoption, mainly by reading and talking to mothers who had lost a child to adoption, did I begin to change my mind on the issue. After I gave birth to my firstborn, I realized how strong the bond is between mother and child. I had never quite felt right about bringing a child into the world until I'd found my own family. A few months after I found my mom and dad, I became pregnant with my firstborn. I was fortunate and blessed to have that happen; I was fully aware that I may not have been able to conceive a child.

I have heard from women in their 20s who are having trouble conceiving a child and I think that the rising infertility rate in this country is a symptom that something is wrong: I don't pretend to know what that something is. I realize that infertility is a difficult thing for many people and I have some wonderful friends who are having or have had trouble conceiving; sometimes there are reasons for infertility and other times, there seems to be no reason at all. Either way there is much sadness.

As with many things in our society, however, it becomes much easier to allow the adoption industry to solve this problem than to find the actual causes and cures.

And so yes, I am for preserving natural families and I am against the current adoption industry. But I find it hard to see how the slanderous comment that I am a "virulent antigay" writer fits here.

Again, it comes back to the reading thing. A close read of "No More Mommies," finds that far from being "antigay," I am, if anything, focusing on Christians who condemn gay adoption:
Many Christians oppose the idea of two women or two men forming a supposed family by taking someone else’s children or paying someone to incubate a child or being impregnated with some anonymous father’s sperm. I don’t know why the religious only seem concerned when this family tampering occurs with homosexuals. Why does anyone, religious or not, think that forming artificial families is acceptable?

This quote from my essay seems clear to me that I'm saying to the Christians: Hey, don't just pick on the homosexuals; why is anyone breaking up families for adoption? Reading the rest of this essay, a careful reader will see that I am curious as to why the Christians seem only to blame the homosexuals when they clearly support adoption themselves. What's the difference, really, if it's two people of the same sex or two people of the opposite sex? In fact, some mail that I received, before this essay went on to an adoption message board, told me how homosexuals were "perverts." I didn't agree with these assessments. Nonetheless, I am described as "antigay"?!?

The person who made this slanderous remark may do well to read more of my Web site, in which I explicitly state, in "My Life, My Rathskellar," that I dated women. That's not something that some of my Christian readers may be comfortable with, but that's the truth and I've certainly not tried to hide it. Again, maybe it's the reading thing, or the lack thereof. In addition, people who have watched me perform comedy, pregnant in a gay club in Pasadena (what a sight that was!)will be shocked to hear me called "antigay." So will the gay guy who cuts my children's hair. Then again, the person doing the calling has never met me. And obviously, that person has little affinity for reading carefully.

In summary, I am very much for preserving natural families and I am unashamedly so! But I am not antigay. Next time, please do a bit more research.

Notes: Other essays of complaint had to do with my views on post-partum depression (did I say it didn't exist? NO! But it is way overrated!) and my views on IVF: If you look carefully at the REFERENCES for this particular essay, you'll find that I am merely responding to an article, one that a reader happened to send me, which stated that some people admitted to having IVF because it is easier than having sex. I'm not making this up. Here's the article: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2005/09/25/nivf25.xml&sSheet=/portal/2005/09/25/ixportaltop.html
Next time, please read more carefully!
I don't have anything against IVF per se, if the eggs and sperm are truly from the mom and dad. But when we start switching stuff around, we've got problems. If you don't agree with me, then stop threatening and cursing me and my family, stop wishing me "secondary infertility," stop wishing my children a "fatal disease," and stop hoping that my children grow up to be "gay and infertile," (what's wrong with being gay, anyway?!?) and write your own views on your own blog or better yet, find your own path as a columnist. And be sure to thank God (or whatever you believe or don't believe in) that you, currently, have the freedom to do so! Instead of spending so much time criticizing a view of me that isn't true, please spend your time, instead, on preserving what few freedoms we have as citizens of the United States.